Kyo Interview in READ magazine
October 23, 2003

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Thank you for your work on the photo shoot. Now you've even done a photo shoot in Ueno Park . Have you been to Ueno Park before?
I have.
I guess that was for a photo shoot, or was it for private reasons?
Usually it's private.
What do you come for? Just to hang around?
Well, there's a zoo there isn't there? I've gone there and such.
It is like, as long as you've come to Tokyo , you might as well see the pandas? (smile/laugh)
(wry smile) That was in the past. I've actually gone since I've moved to Tokyo. When I was living in my hometown I only came to Tokyo once.
Really? It's hard to imagine you aimlessly going to a zoo for fun.
Not really. I go to a lot of different places. Right now in Ikebukuro's Namja Town they are doing something called "Ice Creams of the World Exhibition" aren't they.
I saw something about it on TV.
Recently I wanted to eat ice cream so I went. But there were too many people and I didn't stay long.
Before the Ice Cream Exhibition there was something like a national Gyoza festival in Namja Town .
Yeah, there was. There was. (smile/laugh) You know a lot about this stuff. Anyhow, at the ice cream thing there was this one that had soft ice cream on top of fried bread. That looked soo good. (smile/laugh)
I saw that too. There was a color advertisement in the newspaper. It definitely looked like something to arouse a lot of interest.
Yeah, exactly. I wanted to eat that so I went. And they aren't just doing ice cream right now either. They are doing something that's like the haunted houses of Japan. And then one part of that was a lot of ice cream stands.
Haunted houses? You mean like the ones with Gegege no Kitarou?
No, it isn't Gegege no Kitarou.
This is in Namja Town?
It isn't Haunted Houses, but it is Japanese things like that. One the floor above that there is the place with the ice cream. It takes a lot of time to get that far. It was like a two hour wait to get into the place with the ice cream and then you have to wait once you're inside.
For every store? In long snaky lines?
Yeah. Just to eat ice cream. Why the heck do you hafta wait that long? I went but left after about 30 minutes.
Did you eat anything?
No. You had to wait two hours. Just for ice cream! I was shocked, seriously shocked.
Hahaha... (laughs) But you go out quite often?
Pretty often. Although I haven't been to Disney Land since I've moved here. When I was living in my hometown I went only once. Since I came here I went to – what's it called? The amusement park in Nerima.
Tojima Garden Amusement Park ?
Yeah. I used to go there a lot. I lived close to there in the past. I went with my kohai.
In summer they do a big fireworks display every Saturday, don't they?
Yes. Umm... The place two stops in from Nerima... what was it called... Fujikendai! I used to live there.
Close to the Nerima gas tank. That big, sphere gas tank along Sengawa Road.
Is there a gas tank? I used to go to Tojima Garden a lot. A kohai's house was really close. I had fun there a lot in the evenings. I don't know about the gas tank, but you know that area really well.
I guess that was when you still had time. It seems like you didn't have much to do.
Yeah, I had time then. But since we've formed Dir en grey we've never even once thought "We have a cra~zy amount of free time." Usually we're constantly busy. When we finish work one day we have work the next, but at night we have fun and such. That's why I know Ikebukuro and Nerima well.
If you limit it to that it seems like the Seibu-Ikebukuro [train] Line. Do you usually go out because you think that relaxation is essential?
Yes. Like the sushi restaurant that I frequent. I do stuff like have a sushi restaurant that if I go to eat sushi, I go there. It's in Ikebukuro. Although I'm spotted there a lot. There's a live house nearby, called Cyber.
In the part of Ikebukuro that's close to the east exit [of the train station]?
Yeah. That's where I usually hang out. I am spotted a lot there, but I've hung out there anyway.
You seem like you'd be closed up in your room doing something, but are you exclusively the active type?
No. When I'm closed up in my room, I'm in my room. It depends on how I feel. When I'm indoors, times when I am wrapped up in playing a video game are common. But I have fun outside of the house a lot. But I don't drink alcohol very often and I don't go out to drink so I don't go out for long periods of time. Going out looking for a good tonkatsu restaurant or something. That type of thing has been common. (laugh/smile)
Almost like you're just dropping by alone?
Yeah, I guess so. (laugh/smile) But I don't really like going out by myself. It's kinda lonely
Ah, you're the type to get lonely. By the way, do you have any fun memories of your childhood?
Fun memories...? Well, you know, I guess people who remember when they were little are common aren't they. I think most people remember it but, I don't have any fun memories left. My parents say that they often took me to an amusement park called amusement park when I was little, but I don't have a single memory of it. But it seems like I really went to a lot of different places. Like I was taken to a ski resort but I don't remember it at all. I just remember bad things.
But I guess there are some photographs left from the amusement park and the ski resort.
Umm... There aren't that many photographs. There are a few of me skiing. There aren't really any of the amusement park. Just a picture of me riding on a bronco. They really aren't many. My family didn't really have a custom of taking pictures. There are pictures from when I was really small but if you're talking about old pictures in general, there aren't many.
But you were the oldest son weren't you?
I'm the oldest son.
Most parents seem to want to take a lot of pictures of the oldest child, since they are happy about their first.
There wasn't anything like that. My parents were really busy back then. They owned a bread shop and from about four in the morning until about seven or eight at night they were working. When they had a break, they usually slept. Despite that it seems like they really took me to a bunch of places.
The way you say that it really seems like you have no memories. But I guess you were the type of kid who was really doted upon.
Really? (smile/laugh) Do I really seem like that much of a mama's boy? (smile/laugh)
Generally you seem like that type that parents would want to protect.
No. My old man wasn't like that at all. He was always really serious. The kind you see in pictures. When I do stuff like this and just talk about my dad my mom says "You never talk about me." She's gotten angry at me about it before. (smile/laugh)
Well then you have a chance to talk about her now.
Fufufu (laughs). She truly did her best for me, ...but there was nothing really fun.
None at all?
There's stuff like going to play in the nearby park. Also, one of my friends' family owned a lumber yard. The lumber would be all piled up, you know. We liked to climb around in that. That was in elementary school. If you're talking about when I was really small, well... . Was I a mischievous kid? No I wasn't mischievous.
But you usually played outside?
Yes.
Did you have a lot of friends?
Most of my friends were girls.
Were you popular?
No, I wasn't popular or anything. I just had more girl friends than normal. I mean in elementary school it's generally like if you're a guy you just have guy friends and if you're a girl you just have girl friends, isn't it? But for me it was more equal than normal. I guess I had one birthday party in elementary school. Quite a few people came. Otherwise I used to go to my granddad's house pretty often, to stay over. It was in Ishiyama. I really liked staying over there. It was pretty out of the way. There were rice paddies and such. I would play there. This middle-aged guy who was a relative would take me to catch beetles pretty often. If I whined "I can't catch any," he'd get mad at me. Only those kind of memories are coming to me (smile/laugh). Also, my granddad used to catch fish a lot for me by the river.
Expert fisherman?!
It wasn't fishing. He would go in the river and use a net. I really liked eating the fish we caught by the river. I guess it was like that. I wasn't a bully, but I wasn't bullied. Aa, but I played video games a lot. I got a console in my first or second year of elementary school.
When you say console, I guess it was the era of the Famicon.
It was a Famicon. It was shortly after they went on sale.
It was a really big trend.
Yeah. Also, I've liked movies since I was a kid. I got people to take me to the movies a lot. I said "I wanna see Star Wars. I wanna see Stars Wars," and I went to see the third episode. Going was fine, but the third one starts with the scene in Jabba the Hut's palace. It was really dark in that place. That scene goes on for about 15 minutes, but I was already terrified and said to my mom, "Let's go home. Take me ho~me!" It was really scary. (smile/laugh) I also went to see things like Superman. Since then I've liked movies.
Just Sci-Fi ones?
Because I was a kid I liked things that were like 'boom!' and those kind of loud movies. I didn't watch many romantic movies, since I was a kid (smile/laugh). Also, when I was little I wanted to be a Goranger. (smile/laugh) For a lo~ng time I thought that I wasn't a normal person and that if anything happened I would transform. (smile/laugh) I guess that was until about my first year of elementary school.
Did you like the Red Ranger?
No, I liked the Blue Ranger. He was the one who used the bow and arrow and was really cool. I also liked shows like Kikaider. Because I liked that kind of stuff I even got a transformation belt. Even my bike had the Masked Rider's face on the front. You pressed a button and the eyes lit up. (smile/laugh) I was riding around on a bike like that.
In your childhood you were really a very normal child, the kind that can be found everywhere, weren't you? You liked video games, you also liked watching movies, you played outside a lot.
Yeah, I was. But since I was little I was constantly told by my relatives, "You're a strange kid. You're a strange kid." In Kyoto we call strange children, henko. I was constantly told "You're a henko." I didn't know what part of me was odd. Even now, I don't understand it at all, but... . Talking about the kind of stuff that we've been talking about it seems like I was a really normal child but according to what people said it seems like I was a strange child. I guess that's about all the memories I have of the time up to about first or second grade.
I suppose that in upper years of elementary school your interests and recreation became more defined.
No. They didn't change at all. Of course I didn't think that I wanted to become a Goranger but there was absolutely nothing that I wanted to become. The stuff I liked was stuff like Dragon Quest, anime and games. When was it... When I was in elementary school Dragon Quest 2 or 3 came out and I couldn't go to school because of a cold. I finished it in 3 or 4 days (smile/laugh). My dislike of school began in the past. My hatred.
When you did that kind of thing, did your parents say anything to you?
Of course my old man got really angry at me. He got angry because I didn't have any goals and also over my report card. When I showed my quarterly report card to my parents, every time, my dad made me cry. He got so, so angry at me. Mom always stopped him. Then I'd say, "I'll study. I'll do well," but I never really wanted to.
Did you get any good grades in school?
I guess they were mostly 1. I guess only Technical Education was 3. And Phys Ed, I hated sports and exercise, and, from that time on, I have not understood the meaning of studying. When I was asked about what I wanted to do in the future I thought, "Will a future of studying at school do me any good?" I've thought that since I was an elementary school student. Because of that I didn't study at all. From the time I was in elementary school, I've only had interest in the in the things I thought were fun or cool. I know clearly what I do like and what I don't. It's like "Why do I hafta do things I don't like?" My parents said a lot of stuff like "Graduate from high school, go to college and work a normal 9-to-5 job." But I was like "That's your dream." But since I didn't have anything I wanted to do I couldn't really say anything in response. I didn't feel that studying was a necessity. If I liked flowers I would probably remember what kind of thing a seed is but when it's not something I like why do I hafta remember it? That was my normal question.
Did you say that kind of thing to your parents and teachers?
I said it. But I couldn't put it into words well. I couldn't say "Will this be important to my future?" I just said "I don't like this." That kind of thing. But, just one time, in this 27 year long life, just one time, I thought on my own "Let's study." I went to my desk and I studied. For about two hours. It was the first time. Then, my dad came up from behind me and said "That's not nearly enough, boy. When I was in school, we covered a side of newspaper sheet with kanji for practice. Do that." Because I was someone who, from a state not liking studying at all, had thought for the first time "Let's study," I was doing the best I was able to. Because, although I was working at the max, even more was demanded of me, I thought, "Aa. This is impossible," and stopped. So the fact that I was made to hate studying is also my dad's fault.
Oh? (smile/laugh) So why did you take that big step? I guess you didn't suddenly start liking studying.
At that time the other kids, like the ones that I had played with, started studying. So it seemed like I was being left behind. I didn't have anything I particularly wanted to become and since I was little I didn't have any sort of clear determination. So I thought maybe it's better if I study in advance. I was a little uneasy. And having taken that big step, being told "That's not enough." I completely stopped studying. It's like "I've had it!" "Let come what may."
So then you immersed yourself in video games again?
Yeah. I played any game. I didn't like that kind where you had to catch criminals that much but I liked the kind that were like "boom" and "crash," that kind of action game. I also liked reading manga and watching anime. A normal aimless person (smile/laugh). But I thought that there was no obligation for people to get mad at me because I didn't study. I'm my own person and even though my parents gave birth to me I am not their possession. If fifty years later I am sleeping in some park or living under a bridge that is the result of my own actions. There's no help for it. Because of that I wanted to be turned loose. I am different from other people. I am not my parents' belonging. I always thought, "I am myself." I didn't want to be made to match other people. Usually people like that become delinquents, right? I didn't become a delinquent at all. I mean it's like, I am told by everyone, "You're scary" or "You're really rough." I guess the impression the pictures leave and the image is like that. (smile/laugh) I'm not scary. I wasn't a delinquent because I am a person who hates violence. As a kid, when my parents hit me I thought, "Why use violence?" If I think about it now, I guess it was out of love but, even if you don't use violence I understand. Even when I was hit and no matter how sternly I was talked to by my teachers, the idea of "I am myself" was strong. So, even when people told me to, I didn't study. I have even been tutored by a teacher.
By a teacher at your school?
Yeah. It was when I was in middle school. I was even forced to go to juku. Despite the fact that I had no interest in studying I was tutored and forced to go to juku. I think my tutor was a college student. So, I had a ton of manga and I thought "Well a someone who is a college age student will like this kind of manga I guess," and I prepared by putting Ringu ni Kakero all over my room. While I was reading the tutor picked up the manga and started reading. So I said "I'm going to use the bathroom," escaped from the room, went off to have fun and didn't come back.
An intelligent criminal. (smile/laugh)
Yep. (smile/laugh) But even when was out in the middle of night I did stuff like play badminton with my friends. (smile/laugh) I didn't really do anything like sniff thinner. I didn't have any interest. I guess as far I that goes I am serious. I don't really understand it myself, though. It's just that I thought that I didn't want to do anything my parents did. Like Mah-jong. My parents often played it in the middle of the night. It's annoying. "gacha, gacha." People are making a racket and if I went to my room it stunk of cigarettes. "What's up with this!?" Because of that I don't gamble at all and don't even think I want to. Also my dad drank fairly often and whenever he drank he would get a little scary. He wasn't a vicious drunk though. Because of that I don't like alcohol either. And I don't like violence. With that kind of attitude you won't become a delinquent, right?
Yeah. If you think about the normal delinquent, you're right.
So because of that, I was I got along with everyone pretty well. With the tough guys, with the serious guys, with the geeky guys, but it wasn't a close friendship. We got along but it was like at some point we didn't connect. I was a bit of a strange person.
It seems like you were a little cold.
In middle school I was completely cold. I was only interested in girls.
Are you the same now?
No, no. (smile/laugh)
Were you really popular?
For some reason I was at my most popular in middle school. (smile/laugh) At school festivals you meet girls from other schools and such right? At those times I was often singled out.
Complete opposites.
Yeah. I was completely different in the past. Now I'm not as popular, seriously. (smile/laugh)

If you're talking about how a middle school student thinks, I guess girls from other schools were a pretty good thing.
My friends and stuff would pass by my house and there would always be different bikes parked out front. A different girl would be there every time (smile/laugh). My friends were like "What the?"
So it was three years of impure interactions with the opposite sex? It doesn't add up.
No. We didn't do anything dirty like you'd imagine. I just liked playing with girls. It was normal fun.
Was is like you didn't have to be as careful around the opposite sex so you could be more yourself?
No. I was able to be myself around anyone but... I mean, for instance, the otaku guys were really persistent, just as persistent as you'd imagine. A lot of the guys who I hung out with that were called otaku were the type who if there was someone who pissed them off they'd put thumbtacks on the top of his chair. The tough guys were quick to fight. The serious guys put studying first. Because of that I couldn't completely become friends with any of them.
Because they were doing things that you couldn't understand?
Yeah. In my third year of middle school I didn't go to school for about half a year. I just played games and had fun with my friends and such.
Those were the days of hanging out with different girls. Were you just enjoying yourself?
Yeah. But I don't remember any of it. We probably had normal conversations, went to some amusement park, that kind of thing, I guess. I wasn't involved in any clubs either. I don't like sports. So I joined the shogi club. I didn't even show my face once.
Did you chose that because, for the time being, you had to choose a club and so you chose one that had the most lax control?
Yeah. It had no connection to sports. I hate macho stuff. I hate the stink of mud too. It's like what's fun about chasing around a ball? Even though you move around that much the ball or the bat gets all the attention. I thought, "You jocks couldn't do anything if it didn't involve a ball or a bat." And then during summer vacation, they would show anime from the morning on and it was really fun programming, but my old man would be watching baseball.
Oh. High school baseball?
That upset me and because of that I don't like baseball. It was like "But I wanted to watch 'Asari-chan.'" (smile/laugh) "And there's 'Kabocha Wine' too." (smile/laugh). In the evenings I would be watching a movie and my old man would start watching the Hanshin game. And if I set up the TV to record the movie I had been looking forward to, it would be delayed for an hour by baseball and the whole thing wouldn't be recorded. "What the hell? Baseball should disappear." "Something that's scheduled should start at the scheduled time!" Because of that I hate baseball. When I was in middle school the only thing I liked was fishing. I'd go to catch black bass with my friends at Lake Biwa . But after this one time I started hating fishing. I cast with a caster I had just bought and the whole rod flew away.
Did you forget to the switch the reel to free? (smile/laugh)
No the whole thing just flew from my hands. In the instant I thought "Aa!" the rod and the reel and the caster had sunk to the bottom of Lake Biwa . (smile/laugh) I was like, "That's enough, I won't fish again."
Even when it came to fun you were very through.
Yeah. Since I wasn't studying, I was very through. But there are things that people don't think about at all even when they are studying. There are things that are societal and fundamental. Even in middle school I had had the thought that the people who can't do those kind of things were the worse. But they don't teach you that kind of thing in school do they? The education is mistaken.
Oh?
I thought this in middle school too. For instance there are some guys who, from the time they are in elementary school, want to become soccer players, right? Well then, they don't need to know anything outside of soccer well. They should just be taught soccer from the time they are in elementary school. The time spent studying other subjects should all be spent only on soccer. If you do that they'll become even greater players. People who want to study should just study. If you divide people, person by person using such a system there would be no problem. But they force everyone to study. They force everyone to eat school lunch. Don't you think it's strange?
So it's like although people will reach for things they like, because they are forced to do things they don't like people start to hate school.
Yeah. It's like if you don't like something, you don't like it and there's no help for it. For instance, school lunch. I don't like milk. In elementary school there was that milk in the triangular pack. If it was bread and milk, I'd understand, but there's no way that milk should be drunk with rice. Are you idiots? Where are there people who, in a normal home, drink milk while eating rice? Milk doesn't go with rice. It should be alright to not eat food you don't like in school lunch. But you're forced to eat it. I was forced to eat meat and milk even though the next class had started. Because I was forced, I was like "Bleh" and threw it up. Due to that trauma I don't like milk. At that time I didn't like bread either. Because my family ran a bread shop from the time I woke up in the morning until I went to bed there was the scent of bread! Inside the car, the scent of bread!! No matter what, the scent of bread!!! The scent of cooking bread!!!! It was like "Aaa! It stinks! It stinks!"
And with that, although we started with "Let's talk about fun things." It's somehow become a trauma-filled, unpleasant story.
Yeah. That's why there are no pleasant memories.
Your self-awakening was incredibly early.
Yeah... I guess so. When you have a lot of time when you aren't doing anything you have a lot of time to think about yourself. I guess there are a lot of meanings blended in that.
Since as far as years go you go were still a child, I guess it was when adults paid the most attention to you.
Yeah. The delinquents are usually pampered by the phys ed teacher aren't they. I wasn't pampered by any teacher. Even the gym teacher said things that were like "What's with that guy?" And of course I wasn't pampered by the normal serious teachers. I wasn't pampered by anyone. But it was interesting.
You mean that, contrarily, you enjoyed it.
Yeah. Since I didn't have anything to do in the middle of class, I would carve Goku into one half of my desk with a chisel and carve Piccolo on the other half. (smile/laugh) Because of that I can't even write print.
Since you were goofing off (smile/laugh).
Yep. (smile/laugh) Because I was carving on a side of my desk. I had a golf hole too. In the middle of class I would make a golf ball out of clay and play golf. I would also draw comics. When you start middle school you have English class, right. It was like, why the heck do Japanese people have to be taught English? I thought that "It's it alright if foreigners learn English?" (smile/laugh) Even as studying goes, I had absolutely no interest in English. And Cooking, and History too. What good will studying the past do me? It was like "Who the hell is Oda Nobunaga? Is he someone important?" I was a person with that kind of attitude.
Hahaha. For someone listening it's only fun stories. (smile/laugh)
But in I guess my second year of middle school a big event happened. In class there was a girl who sat next to me, her name was ×× but... At that time I liked her (smile/laugh). That girl had a Buck-tick poster attached to the top of her desk. From that point on I started heading toward rock.
××-san is necessary, isn't she?
Yeah. ×× (smile/laugh). At that point I had known about the existence of metal but it was just a feeling of "Why is he hair standing on end?!" I had absolutely no interest in music and thought that TV music shows were the worst. But when I first saw a Buck-Tick poster, Sakurai-san seems like an anime character, doesn't he? I mean, I liked anime and manga, right. It fit in with that interest. Sakurai-san has a very pretty face and is cool. His hair even stands on end like paan! It was like "Wow! This person is awesome!" That was the trigger for me to start listening to music. It was like at last my eyes had been opened to bands.
I guess it was an event that changed your destiny.
Yeah. At that time it was like a revelation had occurred within me. Up until that point I had had absolutely nothing I wanted to do with my life and it was like "Aa~."
Like you didn't have any drive.
Yeah. Zero drive. But then it was like "There's a person this cool out there!" "Bands are incredible!" When something that had not been there at all just springs forth I get so that I can only see that thing.
You have a personality that although it might seem like you have no drive, in truth when you find something you love you won't be stopped by anyone.
Yeah. That's why I stopped going to school in the third year of middle school. I played games and listened to music the whole time. Oda Nobunaga has nothing to do with bands.
You started to like Buck-Tick more than ×× and you became a person for who Oda Nobunaga served no purpose.
Exactly. (smile/laugh) I thought that Buck-Tick's visuals were really cool but I wanted music that had more of a resonance with me. I think Buck-Tick is fine to listen to but it didn't resonate with me. Then I found out about the existence of X. If you listen to it the songs are really fast aren't they? They come at you like "paan." I was like "This stuff is fast and cool!" From that point on, it was X and Buck-Tick.
It was a moment when at last you found what you had been searching for.
It was a sensation of "It's come~!" It was like it was my version of Oda Nobunaga. (smile/laugh)
It was like "I've lived 15 years and I've discovered what I should become."
Exactly. It was that kind of feeling. The impact of that time was strong. Even within the life I've lived up until now. Well, I think I said that I was forced to go to juku, right? Among my friends from the time I was going to juku there was a guy who knew indies bands really well. Because I became good friends with him, I knew a lot of bands. D'ERLANGER and such. From that point I gradually entered deep into the scene. I even asked that guy "Do you play in a band?" He told me "I don't play." But I got into bands.
At that time the Kyoto/Osaka area was an indies mecca.
Yeah, at that time in Kyoto Kamaitachi were great. Color was too. If you start getting into the more minor stuff, Shiimonkii and such. That period was great. But at that time I wasn't a Free Will fan I was an Extacy fan. (smile/laugh)
We don't need that kind of punch line. (smile/laugh)
But I really listened to a little of everything. I bought a bunch of different CDs too. In the first or second year of middle school pretty much anyone will start to have an interest in music, right? At that time I had absolutely no interest in music. But I was interested in a radio cassette player and I got my parents to buy it for me. Then I asked my friends what was good and they told me about The Blue Hats and Jiggy and such which were popular at that time. Then I listened to it but all of them were like "Huh? Eh?" to me. But then in the third year of middle school X and Buck-Tick were like "Dun!" and at last I made use of the radio cassette player. But my parents got really angry at me. I'd dye my hair pink and they'd be like "What is up with you? Get your act together. You don't study. You don't work. You only listen to that awful noise."
You dyed your hair when you were only about 15?
Yeah, pink and stuff. A color I hadn't done before. I dyed it a bunch of colors.
You stopped going to school and then did that?
About the same time I graduated from middle school I became very passionate. Before that I had stopped at brown hair though. When I started to see the bad side of humans, I didn't want to go to school. That's why I did various other things. I had apportioned work at a places like a place for freeze-dried and refrigerated stuff and a convenience store. A packaged milk place. I did that kind of stuff. I was there as a part time worker and there were also older women there. At first it was fine but after a few days went by they would be say stuff like "That kid hardly works at all," so that I could hear them. I didn't like that so I would stop going. I didn't even go in to pick up my pay check. I also worked at a removal service and at a factory that assembled packed lunches for convenience stores. I would be like "buchi" and open the pack with my thumb then I would go and say "There's a hole in this one," and eat it. My hands got used to doing those packed lunches and I did it without thinking about it. Usually I did stuff like packing and shipping.
Wasn't that not allowed?
Yeah. I did those kind of fun things too. (smile/laugh) But, I did a lot of different kinds of jobs but I never once came in to pick up a paycheck. Since I didn't keep any of them for a month. After the bakery my parents started a furniture moving business. We didn't have any delivery people, me and my granddad did it. I guess that's the only time I truly got a paycheck. They got mad at me a lot though.
So the money to buy CDs and have fun was from that paycheck?
Hmm... how did I get it? I guess I took it from my parents' wallets. That kind of thing.
Did you also use that money to go to live houses a lot?
No. I didn't go to live houses. I was kinda embarrassed. I would have been like one guy in a sea of girls.
Even though you played with girls a lot in middle school, it suddenly became embarrassing. Ah, but I guess the girls in the live houses were all older than you.
Yeah. And there was the feeling of doing something for the first time. It would be like going to a club for me now. Also there was a feeling of resistance like "Eeee?" But my friends forced me to go. The first one I went to was Strawberry Fields. That's about all I went to at that time.
Why Strawberry Fields again?
I loved the vocalist Fukai-san. At that time I was working part time in Kyoto's central market. There were a lot of band guys there working there too. I had like blond and red hair so people were like "What's up with him?" Then when I talked to them they were like "We're in a band so will join our staff and help us out?" So I started working as a roadie. I learned what the world of bands was like. I also went with them on tour in the area. I guess I did that for a little less than two years.
Working as a roadie?
During that period I was introduced to a lot of people, and I was taught a lot about bands. Like, this is what a live is like and this is how you set up a drum kit. For that band I was like the roadie who specialized in making hair stand on end. Even now I'm good at getting hair to stand on end. (smile/laugh) But I wasn't the only roadie. Sometimes in the middle of live the pedal of the base drum gets separated. You have to attach it really quick. Or like when you're trying to fix the screw that has come undone on the hi-hat, a guitar string would snap and if you didn't fix that quickly they'd get mad at you. Then at the gathering afterwards I was always made to drink, it seemed. I was surrounded by those kind of miserable days.
Being a roadie then was really tough.
Yeah, but back then I people were also very kind to me. I learned a lot.
So in reality it was fun.
It was fun. The things that had to do with the band themselves were really fun.
But the feeling of "I want to do a band," had not developed?
While I was working as a roadie I looked for members. In music shops there are member wanted papers posted right? I posted those. The first person who I met was a guitarist with a drummer and a bassist so that's how I formed my first band. It was about when I stopped being a roadie.
So what did the paper say?
That's a little embarrassing. (smile/laugh) Well, it was about what you'd expect.
Something to the effect of "I am a vocalist who is known in Kyoto society as a 'henko'."
No. Not like that. (smile/laugh). It was the kind you all was see. Like "dark and heavy." I took a picture of myself and put that up. That was the first band I was in. The band that I had been a roadie for was centered around Kyoto's Rock Tengoku. It was a live house that used to be in Kyoto's sports valley.
Yeah, yeah.
Due to that relationship I got a lot of stuff from Rock Tengoku and my first band was able to play there. I was at Rock Tengoku a lot at that time. I went to see a lot of bands there and stuff.
Were you let in because they knew you?
Yeah, I guess.
Did the feeling of "I want to be in a band," spring forth right away. From the time you saw the Buck-Tick poster did you think that you wanted to sing too?
It was from that time. At that time I hated Boowy. Everyone was saying Boowy, Boowy, but it was like "What the hell is Boowy?" I didn't understand the meaning. It was like "What's Boowy? It's Buck-Tick's Sakurai-san for me."
Did you like singing too?
At first it was Sakurai-san and at that time I liked bands. When I started liking X I liked hide-san best and I asked my parents and got an all black hide-san model guitar. Then I thought I'd copy them and borrowed an X score book from the guy who knew a lot about indies bands. He also taught me how to read music but when I opened up the book and glanced at it I was like "I can play stuff like this." "I can play X right off the bat!" (smile/laugh) It's like "Get a grip!"
Who? (smile/laugh)
I became "I can't do it! I can't play guitar!" Then it was like, a bass only has 4 strings and there are no chords so that will be good. I could only play it a little. Really only a little. But it was like "There's still something wrong." I was thinking, "This isn't something I want to do," and I thought "I'll do vocals." But when a person who up until that time hadn't liked songs and had never been to karaoke, suddenly started singing the songs were horrible. (laugh)
Naturally I suppose you were trying it to see if it felt good. The quality of the songs was beside the point.
See if it felt good? Well anyways I worked really hard at it. I was really, really trying my best. (smile/laugh) But when I was in that band I was being forced to drink by my sempai's band and such. There were a lot of nasty people.
Because your band at the time was like an athletic meet?
But I hate athletic stuff, right? So I was thinking, "Hmm... ."
I guess that was a period in which bullying, similar to the hazing in a baseball club, was rampant.
Yeah. The gatherings after the shows were miserable. But that's how my life in bands began. In what you've heard so far there aren't any fun stories, are there? There aren't any. And there aren't any fun stories from here on out either.
Um. (bitter smile)
If you want dark stories I've got a lot.

You say there aren't any fun stories from here on out but what about now?
I don't know about that.
For instance we did a photoshoot today. Did you enjoy having your photo taken?
No. I didn't enjoy it. The truth is it's embarrassing. Everyone looks and they're like, "Who is it?" "Dunno." (laughs) Well I'm used photoshoots. But, well, I don't know... that's my personality. That probably hasn't changed at all since 7th grade. I've been this way since I started in a band. Because I haven't changed at all, my feelings were the same when I started out with bands. Personally I think that's good. But if I were to say how I could have more fun, I think that if I had a bigger attitude I would have more fun.
You mean act more like a rock star?
Yeah. But I'm not essentially about rock. (smiles) Well I guess this is related to things that I'll talk about at the end, but I've recently realized that I don't want to sing songs. I want to work on expressing things. I think that even when I first decided to be in a band it wasn't because I liked those peoples' songs and music but it was because I liked the aura they produced and, I guess, the glow they had as a band. I've finally realized that. So when I'm asked if it's fun, well I guess it could be called fun, but I guess it can also be called normal. I don't know. It's a very strange thing.
Times when you have fun are pretty much only Namba Town and amusement parks?
Yeah. Also when I'm watching an interesting movie. ...Also, I think humans have each had incredible experiences in their lives. If you read "READ" vol. 1 there are a lot of different things aren't there? I don't have much stuff like that. There are a lot of painful things in my interaction with other people but that's all there is. I don't know what I should do. (bitter smile)
Well if that's the case let's continue. I'm at a loss about where I should begin but I think that one of the formative elements of your trauma was the fact that you disliked your parents' behavior.
Well I guess so. It wasn't like my parents were especially violent. I think they did what you would normally find in typical household. But for my part I really hated it. I've never really had a fight with a friend that could be called a fight, ever. It's stupid. Besides which I, from the start, don't like people. Ever since elementary school.
You had that kind of self-awareness from such a young age?
Yeah. There are kids who bully and there are kids who are bullied, right? I looked at the relationship between those two types objectively and thought they both seemed like idiots. Like, "There's something wrong here."
You can't understand a personality that can get satisfaction out of doing stupid things?
Yeah. But they all studied right? Even the rough guys. When it got to the third year of middle school they suddenly started studying. It was like "They really are different from me." It was like they didn't see the truth. It wasn't that they were studying because it was stuff that was necessary for them, they just wanted to get to high school and have fun. I was like "That's all you guys are going to do."
Was it like they were only pursuing what was right in front of their eyes and they didn't understand the true meaning?
Yeah. I thought they were the real idiots. That's why, from the start, I don't like people. There have only been a few people I know who will reveal their true selves and talk. Even in the band I was in right before Dir en grey I didn't have a single friend. But we were pretty popular, even though we only lasted for a year. At a one man we had about 400 people. But I didn't have any friends. It seems that Toshiya had heard rumors about me, like that I had a fear of other people. There were a lot of rumors like that, because I rarely talked. Because of that even when we did interviews with magazines I gave short answers like "yeah" and "yes." (laughs) I even hated making eye contact and was a really dark person.
Was that because you knew you hadn't made friends?
There were no people who I wanted to be friends with. There wasn't even anyone I thought was cool that I knew. Or, well, there was a girl I was dating in Kyoto. I think that was the biggest cause of the problem. At that time that girl was more important to me than bands. I thought I would have to stop bands and get a normal job. This same person that's here right now thought that! (laughs) That's a really big thing when you're talking about me.
Having heard your story about your past I understand what a big decision that was.
Yeah. At that time I was still in a band and I was friends with the guitarist. But right around the time I was thinking about quitting the band and getting married, the girl suddenly disappeared, really suddenly. I asked everyone around if they knew where she went. But they all responded, "No, I don't know." Only the guitarist would talk with me about it. He was like, "Well, it will work out." For about a week I was constantly talking to this guy about it. But the girl didn't come back. Then a few years later I found out that that guitarist had been seeing that girl. I felt very betrayed. And from then on it was like "I give up on people."
So having been treated like that by a friend you were no longer able to trust anyone?
I could no longer trust anyone. I was a really twisted person back then but I didn't tell lies. Well I told silly lies but I didn't lie to friends. And from that event I received the shock that there were people like that out there. I'm telling the story out of order but when that girl left me I lost a lot of weight.
(From here on there are eleven lines of Kyo speaking that are blacked out. Then the interviewer makes a short comment and there are four more lines of Kyo speaking that are blacked out.)
...But I went. You can't really get over something like that, right? And all that was left for me was being in a band. The band that was formed at that point was the band right before Dir en grey. But I think I was weighed down for about two years by that shock.
To the point that you couldn't emotionally recover?
Yes. And then that guitarist formed a new band and that girl was staff for that band. And we would meet a lot when we played together and such. That was so, so painful. Again and again I truly felt like I was going to die. At that time I wanted to escape that so there was nothing to do but find another girl.
By escape I guess you mean something like diverting your feelings?
Yeah. And so a friend of mine at the time introduced me to this girl. That girl lived kind of far away so I moved out there. It was like I no longer wanted to see any part of Kyoto. No matter where I looked there were memories of that girlfriend. So I moved there and started life there.
Was this still a period when you didn't have any faith in people?
Yes. I have a lot of terrible memories from that place as well. What should I talk about? That guys who introduced me to the girl, he's still in a band so I'll hide his name, but I think he had a very bad personality. But at that point I was living in his place and stuff because we were friends at the time. And he was the first to get popularity in the music scene. I was a new guy from Kyoto whose face wasn't well known, right? But at that point I was doing pretty original shows. I was intense and a kind of vocalist that wasn't found in that area.
You're saying it was even more intense than the live performance you do now? That would have a crazy impact.
Because of that I suddenly got popular. I don't know if he didn't like that but he was really hateful to me. I would be like 2 o'clock in the morning. A phone call would come in and it would be "A member of a sempai band is calling. They're calling for you." Even though I didn't know any reason for the call I would get scared. I was like "Oh?! What happened? This is bad." Then he would say to me, "Well I'll go in your place." He sounds like a really good guy doesn't he? But a few days later I asked around and people said that he was doing that to bully me emotionally.
In truth there hadn't been a call from a sempai and the whole thing was just a lie he made up?
There were more times like that than I can count. He was like an oni. There were really a lot of times.
From then on some time passed and then you started to form Dir en grey. But even though you had gone to Osaka chased by emotions, your roommate then treated you in a similar way so it really piled up.
Yes. Because that kind of thing piled up I became strange. I didn't talk to people in other bands and I didn't go to the parties after the shows. I didn't interact with other people. That why people started saying things like, "That guy's dark," or "He's afraid of other people."
Those rumors even reached Toshiya in Nakano?
Yeah. (bitter smile)
But was it painful for you to have those kinds of rumors spread and to be talked about in that way?
No, I didn't really care. For the time being I stopped interacting with people.
But being in a band is job where you interact with people, isn't it?
Yeah, but at that time we weren't in magazines and the only people I had reason to meet were the members. The only people I could speak cordially with were the other members. That's why we still get along very well. I really didn't talk to anyone outside of the other members.
Did you let someone else take care of the communication with people outside of the band?
Yes. At that time the incident with my girlfriend in Kyoto was still looming large inside of me. It was very painful. That's why from then on, out of the things people feel, I became very sensitive to pain. I didn't care if people called me a jerk or whatever, at time I thought that it would be best for me to die. For me, if a guy I don't like dies I'll feel an impulse to spend the day dressed up in a white suit. (laughs) But for people I like, I don't want to make them feel even a bit of the pain I've felt. So I'm very considerate of the people I like and I talk to them very openly. If one person doesn't trust the person they are talking to then the other person won't trust them, right? From that time on I have only talked to people who are like that.
Oh, so that's how it was.
It was like, there are dirty people out there. And I didn't want to be shocked like that again, right? And I didn't want the strange experience of becoming friends and being betrayed. No matter how you think about it, it's weird that that guitarist who was nice to me was seeing that girl, isn't it? I still can't wipe out the shock of that. I thought he was a really good guy when he was talking with me.
With all these painful things adding up and befalling you, did the things you expressed as a vocalist change?
Yes. From that point on the lyrics became like, "There are no good things." From that point on I hated happy endings. Even when I was watching a movie, if it went well at the end I was like, "There's no way!" I couldn't believe in that kind of thing. It was like nothing ever goes that well. There aren't really things like that. People that are happy watching this kinda stuff are idiots. Face reality! I thought that kind of thing for a long time. That's why even now I've never written lyrics with a happy ending. I only want to write about the bad part of people. I think most people haven't experienced that much pain. It's like, "Look at the painful things without averting your eyes." I think that is reality. In making others feel the unhappy things I felt I am personally very happy. It's like, "Taste the pain that I felt back then!" (blacked out sentence) I was a really dangerous guy.
From that incident on?
(The seven lines of Kyo's answer are blacked out.)
When was that?
Ummm... Just before Dir en grey went major...
(The remainder of Kyo's reply, eight lines, is blacked out. As is the interviewer's next comment and Kyo's five line answer.)
Was there some sensation you were looking for in the band called Dir en grey?
There are a lot of places where you are venting things with a band. You throw out all the things you've accumulated, don't you? Both in lyrics and in shows. It's like by doing so the things that have accumulated gradually decreased and you are eased.
It's like you cleanse yourself.
Yeah. There are elements of pain that cannot be expressed with lyrics alone, aren't there? I think other people have experienced pain as well and there are other people writing painful lyrics aren't there? Even if they are writing about things that even more awful, I believe that the shock that I received was absolutely as painful as anyone else's. (Two blacked out lines)
It's not like a song of resentment in enka. You don't just stop at saying "I hate you," you... (The rest of his comment is blacked out.)
Yeah. I suppose I wanted to express just how painful it was. "Zakuro" is told from the point of view of girl but I put myself in the place of the girl when I write that kind of thing. In my lyrics there are a lot of subjects who die in the end.
(The rest of Kyo's answer, along with about a third of the page is blacked out here.) ...But I've been thinking that it's nice that my lyrics were able to spread out into the wider world as a major artist. (laughs)
But you're lucky you didn't become schizophrenic.
But that was expressed in my lyrics. I actually briefly dated the girl I dated in Osaka since moving to Tokyo. But I noticed that a person I thought was her friend was introducing me to someone else and then I dated her too. That's really hard to believe but then the person who introduced us was introducing someone else to me. That was definitely strange wasn't it? It's like, "That's enough. I can't trust people." If someone had the kind of experiences I've had, they would understand the reason I scratch my chest, wouldn't they? I get all angry. At a show fans watch and when I don't scratch my chest or when I scratch it and blood doesn't come out there are people who say, "He's cutting corners." It's like, "F*** you, bastards, seriously f*** you." I think things like that a lot too.
Yeah, I guess that's because there are people who think that that is just another part of the show.
Yeah. It's like, "Wrong, bastards!"
Well, having heard this I can really see what lyrics have come out of what experience and be like, "I guess these came out of that shock."
It really clicks doesn't it.
So you get wrapped up in those lyrics and hurt yourself?
Yeah, that's right. For instance, "Taiyo no Ao" is usually easy to listen to and I think there are people who find the lyrics are a little sad. But if you read the lyrics after hearing this it's like it's awful or perhaps painful, too painful. I really don't want to sing that kind of song.
But all the songs you sing are emotionally anguishing aren't they?
They are anguishing. They all have lyrics that I can't hold back on, even in rehearsal. So, although I don't move around as violently, even at rehearsal I sing the songs seriously. I even do the shouted portions. I can't hold back. Even if I try to hold back it rises up. Even since I've moved to Tokyo there have been some bad things. Even though I was still dragging around the previous stuff it was like an addition.
You've really felt nothing but pain?
Yes. And when I do I am helped by, of course, the other members and I'm helped by the fans. But the people that help me the most are my kohai. Because I have experienced these painful things they come over to my house almost everyday to have fun and to divert me. That's why I dote on them, or maybe, why I am a really good friend to them. Those guys don't worry about things like sempai and kohai and are open with me.
Those kohai include (blacked out) who has come to Dir en grey concerts, I guess.
Yeah. I think that kindness should be returned with even more kindness. I am very clear about what I like and don't like. With people I like I'm nice almost to the point of being annoying. (laughs) I think that if those guys ever had anything painful happen to them I would do anything to help them. If you're talking about that sort of thing, my old man was the kind of father you see painted in pictures. As far as that goes he was cool.
And you've properly inherited that.
I guess so. (laughs) And it seems he was never unfaithful. He worked hard at one job. He really hates things that are wrong. And he doesn't discriminate. As far as those things go, I think he's cool and I try to be like that too. So my parents aren't all bad.
It seems he is also pretty hot-blooded.
He's hot-blooded. He was like, "Even when you're in a band it's the people that continue that succeed." I don't know how many times he told me that. And now I'm continuing just like he said, aren't I? But he's never clearly told me, "Good job!" He was like, "I don't think you'll be able to keep with it." You kidding? (laughs) My parents graduated from college. They used to say graduate from college and then do that. (laughs) I didn't graduate from college or high school and I'm doing this. But I expect they feel like they lost as parents. If they don't I'd be worried. (laughs) But because I've proven that I can do it they support me now. And a while back I returned all the money I stole from their wallet and then some. It was a used car, but I bought them a car and stuff. I mean, I didn't want to go, but they paid for school and stuff.
That's a good story isn't it?
Yeah it is, but I mean I didn't want to go. (laughs) With high school they made me apply to about four of them. At the time I didn't want to do anything but be in a band so I went to apply but I turned the application exam in blank. It took a lot of courage, though. (laughs)
You're too extreme.
No. That's just the kind of person I am. (laughs) From the time I started with a band, painful things have piled up but now I think that that was good. I think that, because of those kinds of things, I became who I am today. If I hadn't had those kinds of experiences I guess I would have become a less substantial person or at least I wouldn't be able to write weighty lyrics or perform weighty shows. For that reason I'm thankful, even for the tragic things.
Well they are all things I wouldn't want to experience.
No, I don't want to experience them again. But lately, I think that if I hadn't had those kinds of experiences I certainly wouldn't have had the shock that was necessary for me to become an adult.
That's because children are particularly sensitive.
That's why, now, I'm working hard to feel those shocks.

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that's it. the rest is just notes and explainations. but i'll post that too~~

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Kyo's dialect and speech patterns
Dialect - Kyo speaks in the Kansai dialect which is a dialect used in the Kansai area of South-west Honshu (Japan's main island). That area includes Osaka and Kyo's hometown, Kyoto. One of the major characteristics of the dialect is use of "ya" instead of "da" in the various words used to end phrases and sentences in Japanese. For instance the commonly-used darou becomes yarou. There are also certain words like honma (standard: hontou) used only in that area. There is also a different intonation pattern from the standard Tokyo dialect, but since the interview is written it is impossible to tell to what degree Kyo used the alternate intonations while speaking. Overall, Kyo's use of the dialect is not very heavy in the interview but it is definitely noticable. Also, the fact that he often uses it when he is directly stating his thoughts, leads one to believe that in his casual conversation it would be more noticable then in the more formal interview. He also uses it often when talking about things he was told or thought when he was younger. For instance he says people would tell him, " henko ya wa-," (You're a strange kid.). The ya wa would be da yo in standard dialect. This use of it in talking about his past adds a regional flavor to his childhood memories.
Politeness - Kyo's speech is quite polite. He generally uses the polite desu to end his sentences and uses the polite masculine form a of I, boku. He does, however, slip into more casual speech especially about 2/3rds into it when he is talking about some very personal issues. As use of more casual speech indicates a closeness to the audience, it is notable that he is using it when talking about some of the most personal topics in the interview, especially since he switches back to more polite speech before the end. Also, like the Kansai dialect, he speech becomes more casual when he is directly quoting his thoughts or things people have said to him.
Kohai & Sempai - Kyo makes frequent use of the word kohai when referring to his current friends and uses sempai when talking about people he worked with in the past. Kohai means something like junior, while sempai is the opposite. For instance someone in a lower grade at school or someone who started at a company later than someone else would be a kohai. They do not denote a large difference in stature, however. For instance, in the first example both people are students, but one is senior ( sempai) and one is junior (kohai). This is a very important relationship in Japan.
Kyo's use of kohai in referring to his friends is an indictation that Kyo feels (and likely is) older than the people he spends time with and that he feels a certain responsibility towards them. This can be clearly seen the way he talks about them later in the interview. It is possible that these are other people in the music industry that have not been around as long as Kyo or perhaps members of the crew. He makes it clear later in the interview that this group does not include the other band members. As I could not find an English word that conveyed the proper meaning, I've kept the orginal Japanese.

About the translation
In translating this interview I have tried to make the English flow like the original Japanese. That is I have tried to make it natural spoken English. For instance I have used hafta (standard English: have to) to translate akan which is both Kansai dialect and a elision of the word (standard: ikenai). Of course this means that in parts it is not as literal as other translations, however the changes are in sentence structure not in meaning. I feel that the more natural English gives a reader a better feel for what is being said than the awkward and ungrammatical English that can result from a literal translation. In addition I have added many translation notes that explain references that foreign fans might not understand (even I had to research a few of them). Also, you might notice notes that say (smile/laugh) throughout. These are due to the fact that in the Japanese there are notes that are just a single character that can mean either a smile or a laugh (they are not quite so distinct in Japanese), so I put both. If you have any questions or comments about the interview, please feel free to contact me at degness AT hotmail DOT com .

About the translator
My name is Emily, I am a forth year at the University of Chicago and am twenty-one. In addition to studying Japanese at my home institution I spent nine months living in Tokyo and studying at Waseda University and one month living in Osaka. This has allowed me to understand a lot, not only of the language, but also of the references (and dialects) found in this interview. I currently understand Japanese at a fairly advanced level and hope to become a translator after further post-graduate study. If you have any interest in hiring me as a translator or in asking about my experience studying Japanese, please contact me at degness AT hotmail DOT com